In a Fortnight

No, I haven't fallen off the face of the earth... :)

My mind has been taken up by a few things over the past two weeks, and it's difficult to write a (vaguely) coherent entry when many other thoughts are swimming around in my head (and when I'm not physically in front of a computer... :) . Also faced several physical, emotional, and spiritual challenges during this time, but hopefully, I would have gained something from these experiences :)
Not all my thoughts and experiences would be suitable for this blog, but some of the other things that have been keeping me occupied...

1) Had a very bad case of the 'flu, which threw me 'head-first' into a semi-depressed mood for a week. Not enjoyable... and definitely not productive (lying half-concussed in bed and wallowing in self- pity = terrible waste of precious time). Was reminded once again that when you're ill, your physical, emotional, and spiritual defenses can go crashing down.
All I can say is, at times like that, you can be your hardest critic, and your worst enemy... Finally got a grip on myself, but I'm thankful for the time of introspection, and the chance to thoroughly inspect myself and iron out some of the 'dents' in my life : letting go of some of the past hurts I'd been clinging on to (previously deceiving myself that I'd already gotten over them), reminding myself of the many other blessings in my life, and setting my focus back on the important things in life. And there's a purpose that I'm here in Adelaide... I just haven't fully figured it out yet (maybe it'll become clearer when the cloudiness in my head clears after the flu :) And yes, I apologise if I don't make much sense in this entry... :)

2) Leading BS in OCF. Finally agreed a month ago, and took the huge leap of faith to serve in this capacity. I know my knowledge, understanding and experience is so insufficient and inadequate. It's a little intimidating when facilitating discussions, especially when I'm surrounded by many friends whose knowledge and wisdom far surpasses mine. But I can only try my best (and turn to someone else for help (SOS!) when faced with a question I don't know how to answer :) . And learn from that.
I constantly hope that the BS sessions equip the group with something that would help improve their personal walks, but I'm always fearful that they might misunderstand certain concepts because I couldn't bring them across clearly, or that I might accidentally teach them something that is wrong... and I can only pray for wisdom and discernment, and for sensitivity to the individuals and group dynamics.
It's also amazing how much more you learn as a BS leader. We discuss and 'dissect' the studies during preparation sessions mid-week, then facilitate discussions on the studies (again) on Fridays during OCF gatherings. Different people always bring up different insights during each session, and the BS sessions can sometimes go in a different direction from what we had prepared earlier. BS preparation also means more background reading, which means I get to learn more during the preparation sessions, and in my own personal preparations at home before BS. Ironically (in a good way :) , you learn more as a BS facilitator than as a BS student... I'm learning more from teaching more. Blessed to be a blessing :) I hope... :)

3) Being there, and supporting several friends as they go through challenges and difficulties during this period of time. Everyone has their own challenges and struggles, and has their own different lives, their struggles will not be the same as mine. When difficulties arise, I may not be able to give them the advice they need or want. I can only offer them what I have learned from my experiences, and what I have learned from others, and to show them my support and love. All easier said than done... Help... But once again, I can only give it my best try, and leave the rest in God's hands...

4) Moving from the place that I've been staying in (for 4 years... :) to an apartment with some close friends. Okay, I haven't physically moved yet, but am preparing myself mentally and emotionally for the change. From living in my own personal private room (and world), to living and sharing an apartment with friends once again. Sounds like a small step to most people, but for me, it's an opportunity to hopefully let go, and get over several bad experiences with housemates in the past (which was the reason I've stayed in my single room for 4 years now). Time to get myself out of my comfort zone... :)
It's also a bit of a worry, I've seen friendships torn because of small nitty gritty issues like housecleaning, and I don't want my friendships to deteriorate because of little things like that. Ah well, more issues to iron out... another step of faith... and another step away from turning into a hermit :) And at least I'll have a living space that's large enough to entertain friends now... :)

5) Labwork. Yes, one word says it all :) After the previous disastrous results and the meeting with my supervisor a few weeks back, I've repeated my experiments. This time, it was the correct sequence *phew* :) So yes, the lab continues to be my second home, and I continue to work 'intimately' with dead fish :)

6) Hmm, this blog entry is probably too long already :) and I think I'm starting to babble... I'll stop for now, and give more details in later entries. For now, listening to a song by Josh Groban, I'm reminded that I should not to depend wholly on my own strength...

When I am down, and oh my soul's so weary
When troubles come and my heart burdened be.
Then I am still and wait here in the silence
until you come and sit a while with me.

Chorus:
You raise up so I can stand on mountains,
you raise me up to walk on stormy seas,
I am strong when I am on your shoulders,
you raise me up to more than can be.

- You Raise Me Up
Josh Groban