Losing 5 cents

Friday's bible study on David was about leaving a legacy. A number of different things have been happening this week, and although most were not related, they've all brought the message very close to my heart. Thus, the past week has been a pensive one, and I've been engulfed by a sense of melancholy. Not depressed, just melancholic... with much to think about, too much on my mind, too much that I need and want to do, too little time, and too little sleep. As a result, my mind has been a mess of disconnected thoughts, and if you've had a chat with me during the past week, I'm sure it's been evident... apologies.

I've been hit with the realisation and magnitude of how much I've fallen and strayed away. Of my aimless wandering through life. Of how I've lacked direction and purpose, and how I'd lost my focus. Of the fallen state of the world we live in. Of the selfishness and shallowness in life. Of how much my life has focused on surviving, instead of really living. Of how I'd been shackled by my fears. Of what a mess I've made trying to rely on myself. Of how God has nevertheless held on to me and never let go. Of His faithfulness and mercy. Of how dependent on Him I truly am. Of how He has guided me through all my troubles and difficult moments. Of how He's blessed me so much. Sola gracia, only by grace. His and His alone.

When I'm weary, and each day seems to be the same as the next, I take comfort in knowing that after I fall asleep each night, I'll wake up and it'll be a brand new day, with brand new promises, new mercies, new hopes, and new joys.
I need to appreciate the little joys that make each day different, and also to make differences in the days of the people around me. I've been in survival-mode far too long.

If you set a 5-cent coin right before your eyes, all you will see of the world is a mere 5-cents worth.
Lose the 5 cents... and gain the world.

God has so much more planned for us. I've been distracted, caught up in the insignificant things in life, and lost my focus. I need to refocus, to see the bigger picture, get back on track, and aim for greater things (while staying realistic, of course :)

It doesn't matter how well or how terribly we start the race, it's how we run it and how we finish that is most important. Still, in a way, life is not always a race... perhaps more of a journey. To be travelled with others, not competing against them; to encourage and build up, not to hurt or tear down. After all, we're all in this together.

There are a lot of things in myself that need to be worked on and changed. It isn't all smooth-sailing. But I still hope to finish this journey well, to finish hand-in-hand with those whom I cherish and love, and to hopefully have made a positive difference to the journeys of those I've met along the way.

May that be my legacy...

Today's mail

Received a letter from the Uni in my mail today. Opened it and read the title :

"Flinders Graduate Network Nights - Postgraduate Study"

Thought : Hmm... a function to meet fellow Flinders postgraduate students? So continued to read on...

"...writing to invite you, as a valued Flinders graduate, to attend a special gathering on postgraduate study opportunities at Flinders...
...Flinders offers a wide range of postgraduate courses...
...look forward to discussing options for postgraduate study with you..."

Turned out to be an invitation to enrol in postgraduate studies in Flinders. Erm... so what did they suppose I was doing back in Flinders at the moment? Perhaps they thought I was doing research in the bio labs for fun :)

As usual, the Uni seriously needs to update its databases... Should have suspected something when I saw that it was from the Admissions and Prospective Students Office :) Reminds me of last year, when they sent me a re-enrolment form, instead of a graduation package. Had to run from one building to the other to notify different departments, and repeated the same answers : Yes, I had finished my course... Yes, I had completed my Honours degree... Yes, I was graduating... No, I didn't need (or want :) to re-enrol for another year...

At least that's what I thought back then. Then what did I do? I returned for a PhD... and now I'm back in the labs (What was I thinking?! 1 year of torture during Honours was more than enough, now I've signed on for another 3 years... ? :) Still... yes, God has seen me through it all. It is a blessing to be able to continue with a PhD here, and I'm honestly very thankful for it... I sometimes can't help thinking that doing the PhD is a little masochistic though... torture... sometimes... :)

And now they're asking me if I want to attend a talk to sign up for postgrad studies? Maybe I'll just go for the food, I hear that the stuff they cater is quite good :) Then I'll have to hope I don't run into anyone who knows me (otherwise, I'm Grace's twin sister... that's right, her twin... erm... gracey :)

What's next? Won't be surprised if I get another enrolment package in the mail :)

100 Cards

At long last, the photo to my earlier entry is out!
Okay, so the pyramid is a little crooked. But still... :)

One card cannot stand alone, but look what 100 cards can do together...

Alone?

Yetti walked past my room last night and exclaimed, 'Grace! I see you!'
A strange statement, but it put a smile on my face.

~~
Although the 3 of us live together under one roof, we haven't been spending much time together recently, 'cos we've all been busy with work. Yetti and Karen have been leaving the house early for classes, and I've been staying late to finish experiments. But I haven't been alone there.

It's that time of the year when the Honours students are also staying back, trying to complete as many experiments as possible for their thesis. I remember that the same time last year, I was also frantically carrying out my last few experiments, while frenziedly typing and drafting out my thesis.

Everyone follows the same 'unspoken rules' here in the faculty, such as giving Honours students a priority when using shared resources and machines. I guess it's because many of us know and understand what they're going through.
Empathy.
After all, we went through Honours too.

I'm glad I don't have to go through all that again. Honours was, very honestly, one of the toughest years in my life (so far). Thankfully, I have friends and family who encouraged me and spurred me on. They say that if you survive honours, you'll survive anything... :) That's quite true. After spending 12-24 hours a day in the labs, working over 12 hours a day may still be difficult, but if I have to, I know that it's manageable. So I continue persevering (with an occasional winge or two... :)

But in a way, I envy the Honours students too... At least they would have finished everything at the end of this year. Whereas I'll still have at least 2 more years of experiments and thesis-writing to go... I've even joked about investing in a foldable bed in the lab, it's become my 'second home' :)

In a way, it's also strangely comforting (and disturbing) to know that I'm not the only one staying late in the labs.
Comforting, because I'm not the only one there, and I have people to talk to while running my experiments at night.
Disturbing, because although I've finished Honours, I'm still staying late in the labs anyway... never ending story... :)
However, I'm grateful for the company, and I guess it's comforting for the Honours students too... they won't be alone in the labs either.
~~~

So in reply to Yetti's 'strange statement' last night... I turned to her and laughed, 'I see you too!''
The 3 of us then sat in my room, watched 'House' together, and chatted.

Sadly, loneliness is a state of mind that plagues the hearts of many. There are many souls out there that are still lonely, even though they may also be surrounded by people .

But at times like this, I am reminded that whether or not I am the only person physically here,

I am not alone... whether at home, or in the labs.
I am blessed with family and friends, who love me and support me.
I have loved ones who will always be there for me if I need them,
and I have a God who loves, carries, and sustains me (Isaiah 49:6).

I was never alone... am not alone... and will never be alone.

Hair - Raising

Lai Kuan commented on a previous entry :

' Kairos, a time of challenging ourselves, a time of stretching out faith, a time of passing on the flame to one another, and on to our hair....HEHEHEHEHEEEEE '


*sigh* Okay, so it's rather amusing, I admit... *grin*

Yes... my hair was burnt during Kairos.
But only a small tuft of it. And it was an accident (I think... Or would someone want to own up? :)

No... that's not the reason why I got my hair cut.
I'd made the hairdresser's appointment a week before Kairos. Unless that indicates some sort of foresight :)

Anyway... I didn't really care. I'm not too fussed that my hair was burnt.
After all, hair can be cut, and hair will (almost) always grow back :)
And I'm thankful that only a small tuft was 'sizzled', at least my head wasn't set on fire...

But... what struck me was...

How in the world did so many people know about it ?!

Next thing you know, I've become 'the one whose hair got burnt at Kairos'...

Argh... :)